malsperanza

Me: So, conclusions?

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age: Well, it was nice not to spend the whole book yelling at Harry for being such a dumbass, for a change.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: Harry was not a dumbass.

The One Who Is Always Kind: Except all those times when he didn't figure things out as fast as we did, even though he was supposedly so smart.

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age: And supposedly had Insight.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: True. Ron was the dumbass.

The One Who Is Always Kind (and who has red hair): But not in this book. This time Ron was cool.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old (to me): You were wrong about Hagrid dying, after all.

Me: Yes, disappointingly, Hagrid neglected to die.

The One Who Is Always Kind: So the whole alchemy thing was a bust.

Me: Yep, a wash. I am humiliated by the total failure of all my most cherished theories. But I liked the book anyway.

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age: Because Harry survives?

Me: Because it makes sense that Harry survives.

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age: Voldemort is a moron. All he does is run around visiting horcruxes and screaming and torturing his own people.

Me: Alas, the Big Bad is always a moron, pretty much.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: Sauron is not a moron.

The One Who Is Always Kind: No, but the Nazgul are. They should have staked out the inn at Bree and followed Frodo instead of attacking it and tipping him off. Duuh.

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age: Hitler was not a moron.

Me: No, although he did run around screaming a lot.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: Sauron did not run around screaming.

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age: No legs.

The Violent Nine-Year-Old: Voldemort was not very scary.

Everyone (glumly): No.

The Violent Nine-Year-Old: But the battle was good, where everyone dies and all the statues fight.

Everyone (cheering up): Yes!

Me: So the epilogue? Good or bad?

The One Who Is Always Kind: Meh.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: Ehhn.

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age: *shrugs*

The Violent Nine-Year-Old: I like Scorpius!

Me: So the fact that Harry marries Ginny isn't interesting? Didn't any of you want him to marry Hermione?

Blank stares.

Me: Too bad about Lupin and Tonks, though, eh?

Blank stares.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: Too bad about Fred.

Everyone: Yes, poor Fred!

Me: I have to admit, I did not really understand all that stuff about the wands changing owners, and the Elder Wand and how all that helped Harry defeat Voldemort, instead of the Horcruxes.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: No, he had to do the Horcruxes too--

The One Who Is Always Kind: --because the wand didn't cause Dumbledore's death, because he was already--

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age: --and since it wasn't Draco's fault, so then--

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: --and then Snape--

The One Who Is Always Kind: --not until Nagini was killed--

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age: --so that each of them did one thing that contributed to Voldemort's death.

Everyone: See?

Me: OK, that clears it all up nicely, thanks.

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age (witheringly): You must've read too fast.

The One Who Is Always Kind (kindly): But you did guess right about the locket in Grimmauld Place being a Horcrux.

The Violent Nine-Year-Old: I liked when Neville killed Nagini! That was cool!

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: It was sad when Hedwig died.

The One Who Is Always Kind: And Dobby.

The Violent Nine-Year-Old: That was cool.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: You're just saying that to be provocative.

The Violent Nine-Year-Old: No, I mean, with the stars reflecting in his eyes. It was sad, but he was cool.

Me: Yes, and I didn't even expect Dobby to be in this book.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: I liked Aberforth.

The One Who Is Always Kind: Aberforth was awesome. And Mrs. Weasley! When she killed Belletrix!

Me: But still, too much camping.

The One Who Is Always Kind: Camping is fun.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: We like camping.

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age: You can stay up late.

The Violent Nine-Year-Old: And watch for deer.

The Elegant Eleven-Year-Old: And shooting stars.

The One Who Is Nearly Harry's Age: And tell scary stories.

The Violent Nine-Year-Old: With creepy creatures and ghosts.

The One Who Is Always Kind: And eat Deathly Mallows!