Conversation with the Literary Critics
Aug. 1st, 2005 06:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
malsperanzaSpoilers, of course.
Me: So, are you interested in girls yet?
The Golden Youth: Four girls asked me out on the last day of school.
Me: What did you do?
The Golden Youth: I ran screaming in the other direction. Look, here's an Indian bead with a star in the center.
Me: That's the spinal column. Look for the ones with a hole in the middle and I'll make you all fossil necklaces.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Cool.
Me: I see that Harry Potter has stopped running the other way when girls hit on him.
The Golden Youth: Nuh-uh. Romilda?
Me: But Ginny.
The Golden Youth: Basically, Harry is an idiot.
Me: You say this because --?
The Golden Youth: He's stubborn, he's stupid, he doesn't ask questions when he should.
Me: Unlike the teenagers of my own acquaintance. You really don't like Harry?
The Golden Youth: No.
Me: But you like the books?
The Golden Youth: Of course.I like the story. I like what happens and why it happens. I like figuring out what happens next. But Harry? Not so much.
Me: Go figure.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Why are they called Indian beads if they are fossil worms?
Me: They aren't worms; they're fossil crinoids, which are animals like sea anemones. Their common name is sea lilies. But the fossil stem segments look like Indian beads.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Of course.That's why they're called lilies and anemones? Because they're animals? And they are animals but they have stems?
The Golden Youth: Thanks for the clear explanation.
Me (dumping water on his head): You want logic, read Aquinas. You want exotic, poetic, magical imagery, read Harry Potter.
(Sand is thrown about.)
(Hunt for Indian beads resumes.)
The Golden Youth: Were you shocked? I was shocked.
Me: That Dumbledore died, or that Snape killed him?
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: I was shocked.
The 6-Year-Old Kempo Assassin: I am learning karate! I know forward stance and triple punch!
Me: Excellent! You will be able to wipe out all the Death Eaters and win the war!
The 6-Year-Old Kempo Assassin: Of course! And Snape!
The Charming Redhead: I think Snape is a good guy pretending to be a bad guy.
Me: I agree. On the other hand he's not a nice fellow, Snape.
The 6-Year-Old Kempo Assassin: He is both!
The Charming Redhead: How can he be both?
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: If a sea lily can be an animal and a plant and an Indian bead, then Snape can be a good guy and a bad guy.
Me: Q.E.D.
The Golden Youth: What?
Me: Never mind. Just pretzel logic again.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: "Pretzel Logic" is Steely Dan.
Me: Yes.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: We like Green Day.
Me: I also like Green Day.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice (demonstrating the Voice): Hear the sound of the falling rain / Coming down like an Armageddon flame...
The 6-Year-Old Kempo Assassin and the Charming Redhead: HEY!
Me: Rain and flame, water and fire, like Slytherin and Gryffindor, according to a friend of mine.
The Golden Youth: Ahaha! Harry Potter listens to Green Day!
Me: Harry Potter is not as dumb as you think.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Which did you like better, Tithe or Valiant?
Me: I liked Tithe best.
The Golden Youth: Me too.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: I liked them both equally.
The Golden Youth: Valiant wasn't really a sequel.
Me: No, that's going to be another book, called Ironside. It's not done yet.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: I like that some of the characters from Tithe were in Valiant.
The Charming Redhead: Just a little, though.
Me: It's all part of the same world.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: So, maybe some of the characters from Tithe will go to Hogwarts next year. Maybe Roiben will be the Dark Arts instructor.
The Charming Redhead: Frodo will teach Potions!
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Aslan will be headmaster!
Me: Ick. Not Aslan.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: OK, Willy Wonka will be headmaster!
The Golden Youth: Hah! Volume Seven: Harry Potter and the Chocolate Factory!
Me: Right! Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans turn out to be the sekrit weapon: they are bullets fired from giant pneumatic gum dispensers.
The 6-Year-Old Kempo Assassin: The Chocolate Frogs grow huge and eat Draco Malfoy!
The Charming Redhead: Instead of Draco Malfoy eating the Chocolate Frogs.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Acid Pops rain down from the sky and melt the Death Eaters!
Me: Peanut butter and Napalm!
The Charming Redhead: Huh?
Me: Uh, nothing.
The Charming Redhead: Jelly Slugs crawl out of the lake and attack the Dementors!
(Everyone turns around and stares at the lake.)
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Well, anyway. Ambrosia Flume turns out to be the real hero who defeats Voldemort.
The Golden Youth: Not Harry at all!
Me: This is what is known as syncretism.
(Everyone turns around and stares at me.)
The Golden Youth: You are still very weird.
Me: So, Green Day, eh?
Everyone: THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE REST OF OUR LIVES!
Me: Not Massive Attack?
Everyone: ON HOLIDAY!
Me: HEY!
Me: So, are you interested in girls yet?
The Golden Youth: Four girls asked me out on the last day of school.
Me: What did you do?
The Golden Youth: I ran screaming in the other direction. Look, here's an Indian bead with a star in the center.
Me: That's the spinal column. Look for the ones with a hole in the middle and I'll make you all fossil necklaces.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Cool.
Me: I see that Harry Potter has stopped running the other way when girls hit on him.
The Golden Youth: Nuh-uh. Romilda?
Me: But Ginny.
The Golden Youth: Basically, Harry is an idiot.
Me: You say this because --?
The Golden Youth: He's stubborn, he's stupid, he doesn't ask questions when he should.
Me: Unlike the teenagers of my own acquaintance. You really don't like Harry?
The Golden Youth: No.
Me: But you like the books?
The Golden Youth: Of course.I like the story. I like what happens and why it happens. I like figuring out what happens next. But Harry? Not so much.
Me: Go figure.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Why are they called Indian beads if they are fossil worms?
Me: They aren't worms; they're fossil crinoids, which are animals like sea anemones. Their common name is sea lilies. But the fossil stem segments look like Indian beads.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Of course.That's why they're called lilies and anemones? Because they're animals? And they are animals but they have stems?
The Golden Youth: Thanks for the clear explanation.
Me (dumping water on his head): You want logic, read Aquinas. You want exotic, poetic, magical imagery, read Harry Potter.
(Sand is thrown about.)
(Hunt for Indian beads resumes.)
The Golden Youth: Were you shocked? I was shocked.
Me: That Dumbledore died, or that Snape killed him?
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: I was shocked.
The 6-Year-Old Kempo Assassin: I am learning karate! I know forward stance and triple punch!
Me: Excellent! You will be able to wipe out all the Death Eaters and win the war!
The 6-Year-Old Kempo Assassin: Of course! And Snape!
The Charming Redhead: I think Snape is a good guy pretending to be a bad guy.
Me: I agree. On the other hand he's not a nice fellow, Snape.
The 6-Year-Old Kempo Assassin: He is both!
The Charming Redhead: How can he be both?
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: If a sea lily can be an animal and a plant and an Indian bead, then Snape can be a good guy and a bad guy.
Me: Q.E.D.
The Golden Youth: What?
Me: Never mind. Just pretzel logic again.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: "Pretzel Logic" is Steely Dan.
Me: Yes.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: We like Green Day.
Me: I also like Green Day.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice (demonstrating the Voice): Hear the sound of the falling rain / Coming down like an Armageddon flame...
The 6-Year-Old Kempo Assassin and the Charming Redhead: HEY!
Me: Rain and flame, water and fire, like Slytherin and Gryffindor, according to a friend of mine.
The Golden Youth: Ahaha! Harry Potter listens to Green Day!
Me: Harry Potter is not as dumb as you think.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Which did you like better, Tithe or Valiant?
Me: I liked Tithe best.
The Golden Youth: Me too.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: I liked them both equally.
The Golden Youth: Valiant wasn't really a sequel.
Me: No, that's going to be another book, called Ironside. It's not done yet.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: I like that some of the characters from Tithe were in Valiant.
The Charming Redhead: Just a little, though.
Me: It's all part of the same world.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: So, maybe some of the characters from Tithe will go to Hogwarts next year. Maybe Roiben will be the Dark Arts instructor.
The Charming Redhead: Frodo will teach Potions!
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Aslan will be headmaster!
Me: Ick. Not Aslan.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: OK, Willy Wonka will be headmaster!
The Golden Youth: Hah! Volume Seven: Harry Potter and the Chocolate Factory!
Me: Right! Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans turn out to be the sekrit weapon: they are bullets fired from giant pneumatic gum dispensers.
The 6-Year-Old Kempo Assassin: The Chocolate Frogs grow huge and eat Draco Malfoy!
The Charming Redhead: Instead of Draco Malfoy eating the Chocolate Frogs.
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Acid Pops rain down from the sky and melt the Death Eaters!
Me: Peanut butter and Napalm!
The Charming Redhead: Huh?
Me: Uh, nothing.
The Charming Redhead: Jelly Slugs crawl out of the lake and attack the Dementors!
(Everyone turns around and stares at the lake.)
The 10-Year-Old with the Emmylou Harris Voice: Well, anyway. Ambrosia Flume turns out to be the real hero who defeats Voldemort.
The Golden Youth: Not Harry at all!
Me: This is what is known as syncretism.
(Everyone turns around and stares at me.)
The Golden Youth: You are still very weird.
Me: So, Green Day, eh?
Everyone: THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE REST OF OUR LIVES!
Me: Not Massive Attack?
Everyone: ON HOLIDAY!
Me: HEY!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-08-01 03:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 01:07 pm (UTC)Green Day's signature song, "Holiday," is pretty good until you've heard it for the 347th time in one weekend.
http://www.lyricallysquared.com/viewsong/Green-Day/Holiday/173087
Indian beads and other fossils are common on the shores of the Great Lakes, because the lakes were formed by glaciers:
http://www.thebeadsite.com/CHI-FOS.html
Sea lilies:
http://tolweb.org/tree?group=Crinoidea&contgroup=Echinodermata
no subject
Date: 2005-08-06 06:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-10 11:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-01 05:43 pm (UTC)Those are good kids.
---L.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 01:08 pm (UTC)