LOTR--the Musical

[malsperanza]

Word has just come over the ticker tape that someone really is going to perpetrate a stage musical of LOTR in the West End next year.


http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/showbiz/articles/5018827?source=Eve

That high-pitched whirring sound is the corpse of JRRT boring its way to China. (As a friend of mine said, if you put your ear to his tombstone, you can hear a voice muttering, "Saul Zaentz: we hates it, we hates it forever.")

So naturally I wasted the better part of the afternoon with friends writing songs for it. I cannot share our entire LOTR-The Musical, because much of it isn't my invention. (Suffice to say, The Road Goes Ever Ever On gets about 15 reprises, and there is a scene with a huge crashing chandelier, uh, I mean Balrog, and--in lieu of helicopters--a giant eagle lands, so that Gandalf can announce that The Eagle Has Landed.)

But here is my favorite so far of my own creations, an ensemble piece sung to the tune of "On the Street Where You Live."



Gimli sings:

I have never walked
In this corridor
But the pavement seems to draw
Me to these depths once more
All at once am I
Drawn to brume and gloom
Knowing I'm
On the path
of Khazad-Dum.

Gandalf sings:

I have often walked
In these caves before
But the pavement always stayed
Beneath my feet before
All at once I know
We're several stories low
Knowing I'm
On the path
of my doom.

Pippin sings:

Are there trolls and beasts
In this creepy murk?
Can you hear an Orc
In every heart of darkness lurk?
Does enchantment pour
Out of every door?
No, we're just on the path
To our doom.

Boromir sings:

All these shadowed halls,
Really creep me out.
I would much prefer to shout
And wave my sword about.
Let me please not die
And I promise I
Will go home
And forget
That damn Ring.

Frodo sings:

Those eyes that stop and stare,
Really bother me.
Almost anywhere on Middle-earth
Is where I'd rather be.
Let me please not die
And I promise I
Will go home
And forget
This whole thing.

[Sound of drums, drums in the Deep]

All:

And oh, the tow'ring feeling
Just to know
Somehow Something's near
The overpow'ring feeling
That any second
It may suddenly appear.

Balrog (entering):

I have often walked
On this Bridge before
But the arches always stayed
Beneath my feet before
All at once I know
I'm plummeting below
But I'm damned
If I'll go
Without you.



For the record, we hates musicals. Hates them hates them hates them forever. But even Sondheim wouldn't be able to save this turkey.

Will post some more later, including my hommage to Ms. Claire's VSD, a duet for Aragorn and Voiceover Arwen. Which, not coincidentally, involves Sondheim.

Comments

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

I was in the Hobbit musical as a wee thing. "In Mirk-mirk-mirk-mirk-mirkwood, where each apple is your last and life is harsh! Though it's strange, you'll find it's true, quicksand steps all over you. You can melt into a mallow in a marsh. Careful in all you do! Watch each serpent and snake. Watch the eyes that watch you, waiting for your one mistake!..."

Can't wait to read more of your songs.