The Gift of the Magi
Dec. 26th, 2003 01:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
malsperanzaDecember 25 is God's gift to the Jews.
I mean, you get a day off work for no reason whatever, and while all the Christians are running around spending money and doing horrible family things, you can just lounge about the house in your silk p.j.s like William Powell and Myrna Loy, and read the paper and watch DVDs and eat panettone. What a scam.
P: Good grief, how many DVDs did you get?
Me: Twelve.
P: There's more than twelve here.
Me: I rented twelve. Those others I bought.
P: You bought Scaramouche?? Bleah.
Me: It's research.
P: And Carwash? You bought Carwash??
Me: I love Carwash. Kindly note that I also bought The Mahabharata and L'Avventura.
P: So two serious films cancel out one piece of tripe?
Me: No, I view it as a one-to-one tradeoff. Pour me another cup of coffee, will you?
P: This does not justify the first season of La Femme Nikita.
Me (sadly): No, nothing can. But please note that those are just rented.
P: I am relieved to hear it.
...
P: I had forgotten what a ridiculous movie this is.
Me: Yes, but see? PotC swiped the idea of the "Pirates' Code" from it.
P: *frowns* What's wrong with Burt Lancaster's teeth?
Me: Capped, you mean?
P: That's one solid cap. It looks like a bathroom sink.
Me: And that bit with walking under water in a capsized boat--PotC swiped that too.
P: It's funnier in PotC.
Me: It's an hommage to a classic pirate movie.
P: Uh-huh; classic. So, why aren't there any swordfights?
Me: Because they clock each other with belaying pins instead.
P: Why?
Me: Because Burt Lancaster knew how to handle indian clubs, not swords. He was a circus acrobat before he became an actor.
P: How many years after this movie was made did he become an actor?
Me: That's not nice.
P: *squints* What's that in the background?
Me: Where?
P: On the horizon, behind the pirate ship. Look, *pauses the DVD* that's a cruise liner.
Me: So it is. Maybe they'll hommage that in PotC2.
P: We can but hope. What is a belaying pin, anyway?
Me: Um. It's like a capstan. Or a binnacle.
P: *stares* Is it that row of pegs? The ones stuck in the taffrail?
Me: Yes.
P: What are they for? They look like they're there to be pulled out and used for bopping people.
Me: Yes, in the olde days, that's what they did.
P: Later, they used capstans.
Me: And turnbuckles. In the age of steam they bopped people with turbines.
P: Alas. All the romance went out of seafaring.
...
P: I wish he'd stop saying, "Gather round ye lads and lasses."
Me: It is a flaw in the script, to be sure.
P: Have you eaten all the panettone?
Me: There's more coffee, though.
P: Nevertheless, damn your eyes.
Me: So, after this you have a choice of Robin Hood, The Master of Ballantrae, or Lawrence of Arabia.
P: Gah!!
Me: Or Dr. Strangelove. Drink up, me hearties, yo ho.
I mean, you get a day off work for no reason whatever, and while all the Christians are running around spending money and doing horrible family things, you can just lounge about the house in your silk p.j.s like William Powell and Myrna Loy, and read the paper and watch DVDs and eat panettone. What a scam.
P: Good grief, how many DVDs did you get?
Me: Twelve.
P: There's more than twelve here.
Me: I rented twelve. Those others I bought.
P: You bought Scaramouche?? Bleah.
Me: It's research.
P: And Carwash? You bought Carwash??
Me: I love Carwash. Kindly note that I also bought The Mahabharata and L'Avventura.
P: So two serious films cancel out one piece of tripe?
Me: No, I view it as a one-to-one tradeoff. Pour me another cup of coffee, will you?
P: This does not justify the first season of La Femme Nikita.
Me (sadly): No, nothing can. But please note that those are just rented.
P: I am relieved to hear it.
...
P: I had forgotten what a ridiculous movie this is.
Me: Yes, but see? PotC swiped the idea of the "Pirates' Code" from it.
P: *frowns* What's wrong with Burt Lancaster's teeth?
Me: Capped, you mean?
P: That's one solid cap. It looks like a bathroom sink.
Me: And that bit with walking under water in a capsized boat--PotC swiped that too.
P: It's funnier in PotC.
Me: It's an hommage to a classic pirate movie.
P: Uh-huh; classic. So, why aren't there any swordfights?
Me: Because they clock each other with belaying pins instead.
P: Why?
Me: Because Burt Lancaster knew how to handle indian clubs, not swords. He was a circus acrobat before he became an actor.
P: How many years after this movie was made did he become an actor?
Me: That's not nice.
P: *squints* What's that in the background?
Me: Where?
P: On the horizon, behind the pirate ship. Look, *pauses the DVD* that's a cruise liner.
Me: So it is. Maybe they'll hommage that in PotC2.
P: We can but hope. What is a belaying pin, anyway?
Me: Um. It's like a capstan. Or a binnacle.
P: *stares* Is it that row of pegs? The ones stuck in the taffrail?
Me: Yes.
P: What are they for? They look like they're there to be pulled out and used for bopping people.
Me: Yes, in the olde days, that's what they did.
P: Later, they used capstans.
Me: And turnbuckles. In the age of steam they bopped people with turbines.
P: Alas. All the romance went out of seafaring.
...
P: I wish he'd stop saying, "Gather round ye lads and lasses."
Me: It is a flaw in the script, to be sure.
P: Have you eaten all the panettone?
Me: There's more coffee, though.
P: Nevertheless, damn your eyes.
Me: So, after this you have a choice of Robin Hood, The Master of Ballantrae, or Lawrence of Arabia.
P: Gah!!
Me: Or Dr. Strangelove. Drink up, me hearties, yo ho.
