malsperanza: (Default)
[personal profile] malsperanza
*looks around*

Who are these people? What on earth is wrong with them? Oh, right. I'm visiting my insane family.



Q. And how was your holiday?
A.Thrilling.

Q. Do I detect sarcasm in your tone?
A. Yes.

Q. To what economic category or rank does this sarcasm belong?
A. It is cheap sarcasm.

Q. Did you eat a turkey dinner?
A. Yes, I did.

Q. Was it good?
A. No, it was not.

Q. In what respect was it not good?
A. The food was not good.

Q. Were some of the foodstuffs watery?
A. Yes, the potatoes. Also the canned corn.

Q. And were other foodstuffs peculiar?
A. Yes. There was a green-bean casserole.

Q.In what respect was the casserole peculiar?
A. The humorist Garrison Keillor says that canned cream of mushroom soup is the glue that holds American society together.

Q. Ah.
A. Ah, indeed.

Q. Did you have a hand in the cooking?
A. No, I did not.

Q. Did you contribute to the cost of it?
A. No.

Q. But you helped clean up, didn't you?
A. No.

Q. I see. What is the word that best describes persons such as yourself?
A. Ingrate.

Q. Even so, on the whole, were you glad to be welcomed into the bosom of your family on the occasion of this pleasant secular celebration of the democratic values of generosity, gratitude, and lovingkindness?
A. I was not.

Q. Was this dinner nevertheless enjoyable in some respects?
A. Yes.

Q. In what respect was Thanksgiving dinner enjoyable?
A. I did not cook it.

Q. And?
A. There was an uncle.

Q. Your uncle?
A. No, my host's uncle.

Q. In what mannerisms, features, or characteristics was this uncle amusing?
A. He is a priest.

Q. And that is amusing?
A. In a women's prison.

Q. I fail to see--
A. In southern California.

Q. But--
A. I had Thanksgiving dinner with the chaplain for the Manson Family.

Q. Happy Thanksgiving.
A. Thank you.

Date: 2003-12-03 03:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chresimos.livejournal.com
Oh, dear. It is hard to feel sorry for you when your woes are so entertainingly related! But I suppose it is over now, and you can escape the canned corn for another year.

Date: 2003-12-05 04:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] malsperanza.livejournal.com
Canned corn bedamned. Pigs will sprout wings and hell will freeze over before I have Thanksgiving with that lot again.

Date: 2003-12-05 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chresimos.livejournal.com
Well, good for you! Although I feel obliged to point out that hell already has frozen over, and people are iceskating on it! Has Crazy Demonic Fruit Painting Man taught you nothing? :P

Date: 2003-12-05 06:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] malsperanza.livejournal.com
Foolish me.

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