Conversation with the Literary Critics

[malsperanza]

Me: I liked it better than the last one, on the whole.

The Pureblood Slytherin 6-Year-Old: Dumbledore dies!

Me: Yes, very sad--

The Pureblood Slytherin 6-Year-Old: Draco is a Death Eater! He will kill Harry Potter!

Me: You are beginning to sound like Dobby the House-elf.

The Self-Confident Teenager: He hasn't even read it yet.

Me: But you told him spoilers?

The Self-Confident Teenager: Oh yeah, like he cares about spoilers.

Me: Point. So, did you like it?

The Elegant 10-Year-Old: I didn't want Dumbledore to die.

Me: But we knew he would, didn't we?

The Elegant 10-Year-Old: Not until the last book, though.

The Self-Confident Teenager: I hated all the dating stuff. It was boring.

Me: I agree.

The Self-Confident Teenager: Really boring.

Me: Because all of a sudden Harry is in love with Ginny, but we hardly even see Ginny, so what is he so interested in all of a sudden? I mean, I would have liked Harry and Ginny dating, if there had been any actual information about either of them being together, but there wasn't. Me, I'm still hoping he'll end up with Luna, because--

The Self-Confident Teenager: Nah, it was all boring, that part.

Me: Humph. How old are you? Reread it in six months and let me know if you change your mind.

The Self-Confident Teenager: You are condescending to me.

Me: It is the prerogative of aunts.

The Self-Confident Teenager: And all the stuff about Voldemort when he was younger, that was boring too.

Me: You weren't interested in how Voldemort got that way?

The Self-Confident Teenager: Well, he's evil, duh.

Me: Oh. Silly me. But at least Dumbledore explained some things to Harry. Harry deserved to know.

The Elegant 10-Year-Old: I liked Slughorn. He reminded me of Mr. Toad.

Me: Toad of Toad Hall? I think you're onto something there.

The Self-Confident Teenager: He was a jerk.

The Elegant 10-Year-Old: He was better than Umbridge.

The Self-Confident Teenager: There weren't enough new spells or weird animals and plants and exploding candy and stuff like that.

Me: The story does seem to be moving away from those comedic details. You didn't find the dating funny?

The Self-Confident Teenager: No, it was--

Me: Boring, right. But speaking of being reminded of things, was anyone bothered by all the scenes lifted from Lord of the Rings?

The Elegant 10-Year-Old: Dumbledore is a lot like Gandalf.

The Self-Confident Teenager: And Voldemort is kind of like Sauron.

Me: Oh yes, and that scene in the underground lake, with the wandlight like Gandalf's staff in Moria, and the Watcher in the Water with tentacles, and Dumbledore having to figure out how to open the door in the rock wall.

The Self-Confident Teenager: And the Dead Marshes were kind of there too. But it was still good, though.

Me: Borrow from the best, I always say. And one Underworld is much like another.

The Self-Confident Teenager: I liked when Dumbledore had to drink all that stuff and Harry lied to him. That was cool.

Me: Because Harry lied to him?

The Self-Confident Teenager: Yeah. I liked that. But Snape is definitely not evil.

Me: I don't see the connection, but I agree with you nevertheless.

The Self-Confident Teenager: Because Harry lies to Snape too.

Me: But--

The Elegant 10-Year-Old: I liked when Draco was in the bathroom with Moaning Myrtle. That was funny.

Me: Draco is getting more interesting, isn't he?

The Pureblood Slytherin 6-Year-Old: I like Draco.

The Elegant 10-Year-Old: You haven't even read it yet.

The Pureblood Slytherin 6-Year-Old: I still like Draco.

The Elegant 10-Year-Old: How can you like something when you haven't even read it yet?

Me (hastily): How did you both manage to read it on the first night?

The Elegant 10-Year-Old: We got two copies.

Me: Harry Potter and the Brilliant Marketing Campaign.

The Elegant 10-Year-Old: What?

Me: Nothing. What about Tonks and Lupin?

The Self-Confident Teenager: That was boring.

Me: And Bill and Fleur?

The Self-Confident Teenager: Boring.

Me: The part I thought was boring was that the first 400 pages were all just explanations of what was going on in the other 5 books. It didn't really start to get moving til Harry and Dumbledore go to the cave.

The Elegant 10-Year-Old: I miss Sirius.

Me: Me too.

The Self-Confident Teenager: Yeah.

The Pureblood Slytherin 6-Year-Old: Sirius is dead.

Me: Thank you for reminding us.




Elsewhere in the news, I was disappointed by Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Not really a whole lot better than the first one. Not a great deal different from the first one, actually. Depp is mesmerizing to look at, but his choice of characterization (pure Michael Jackson, no shadow of a doubt) is quirky without being intriguing, and lacks the usual vivid sense Depp conveys of a sharp intelligence underneath all the goofiness. Like Edward Scissorhands without the, er, sharp edges, or Ed Wood without the passion to create.

And there isn't enough of him, which is part of the problem. There is a great deal too much of the Oompa Loompas. Why is it that every filmmaker in Hollywood dreams of remaking The Wizard of Oz, only better? Can't be done. Shouldn't be tried. Like remakes of Robin Hood *coughthepinkpanthercough*